forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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