Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
