Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
