I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
