Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
