I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
