I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it was like eating out sand paper
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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