C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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