so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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