he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
