Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im drinking this country out of the recession.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
