I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
