Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize