So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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