U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
