how can u be prego again
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
