I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
