You made me cry and you don't even care
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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