The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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