I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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