He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
