Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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