the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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