i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
