Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
