I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
