I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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