why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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