I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize