I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
