Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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