The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This is the high leading the old right now
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
