the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
