Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
