dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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