i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
