I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Swine flu is the new snow day.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
