dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
