ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
