I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
