can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
True college students do jello shots in the library
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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