It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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