lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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