I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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