I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
