Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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