tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
