I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
