Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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