he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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