So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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