Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
