don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
