Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
