I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize