Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
