I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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