take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
