put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
