Banned from zoo.
Again?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
