You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize