I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
