there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
