am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
