I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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